


Cracks in the Scenery

by quinnlocke



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Family Feels, Keiji has a pain in the ass twin sister, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 10:09:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13499762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quinnlocke/pseuds/quinnlocke
Summary: When Keiji refuses to share pictures of a cherished owl mirror so his twin sister can have a duplicate made, she goes to desperate lengths to get those pictures to the woodworker.Including sending some very racy photos from his Instagram to the unsuspecting, very interested carpenter.





	Cracks in the Scenery

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kilzom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kilzom/gifts).



> For Taavi, whose single request was have fun and who sent me [this ridiculous article](https://www.buzzfeed.com/bradesposito/unicorn-mirror?utm_term=.saM97Bog3#.ikMMEL8q5) that inspired all this
> 
> This is not a chat fic, the texts only make up the intro and some minor plot points

**Unfortunate Womb Mate __**_12:34pm_

Keiji, we need pics of the owl mirror. Mom’s gonna send them to a woodworker to see if he can recreate a duplicate for me

**Keiji __**_2:45pm_

You just can’t stand that I got something and you didn’t? 

**Unfortunate Womb Mate __**_3:30pm_

We are twins! 

**Keiji __**_4:05pm_

You’re 28 years old Keiko, do you want to share dates with me as well?

**Unfortunate Womb Mate __**_4:10pm_

Your type doesn’t swing my way

**Keiji __**_4:23pm_

Tanaka swang both ways

**Unfortunate Womb Mate __**_4:27pm_

Ok just the idea of dating someone who dated you is creepy

**Keiji __**_4:39pm_

Maybe now you’ll stop wanting everything I get!

***

The mirror in question hung in Keiji’s bedroom across from his bed. It was a simple piece, a horned owl done in mosaic. His mother had found it at an estate sale and had given it to him as a Christmas gift. Keiko had immediately asked if there was one for her as well, despite having little to no interest in owls. She simply saw that Keiji had been given a gift and wanted one for herself, as usual.

Keiji had been dealing with Keiko’s antics since the day she’d ruthlessly shoved him aside in an effort to be born first. Their mother joked that since Keiko insisted on being born first, Keiji had stubbornly stayed in an effort to be born on a different day. Which he had; Five minutes into December fifth he allowed himself to be born, refusing to share the day with his sister.

He stared at the mirror and with a furrowed brow decided no, this time there would be something that belonged to him and him alone. Keiko would just have to learn to deal. 

***

**Mother-Unit __**_2:12pm_

You never sent me the pictures. The woodworker needs them today if I am going to secure the contract. They have a very long wait list.

**Mother-Unit __**_3:23pm_

Keiji please answer your messages. I don’t see why Keiko can’t have a mirror too. I’ve always bought you matching gifts, so really this isn’t much different.

**Mother-Unit __**_4:34pm_

Keiji Akaashi you will answer your phone! 

***

**Unfortunate Womb Mate __**_5:12pm_

You wanna play hardball then? We can play hard. Did you forget all your little artistic pictures up on Instagram?

**Keiji __**_6:23pm_

What did you do Keiko?

***

**Mother-Unit __**_7:03pm_

I was forced to use the only photos of the mirror I could find which were those god damn dirty pictures you put on your instagram.

**Keiji __**_7:13pm_

You didn’t!

**Mother-Unit __**_7:15pm_

You’re lucky Keiko knew about them otherwise we wouldn’t have had any pictures to send. But now the woodworker wants to know if part of the payment is the man in the pictures. There really are gay men everywhere.

**Keiji __**_7:25pm_

I want a new family.

***

Koutarou chased his business partner around the workshop screaming about professionalism and the respect of privacy for one’s email. He regretted ever showing Kuroo the pictures of the incredibly attractive man in the reference photos he’d been sent for a commission. 

Reflected in an owl mosaic mirror was a long and lean body, hairless save for a perfectly trimmed happy trail leading down into a pair of incredibly tight black speedos. That had been just one of the pictures. There were several others, and each picture featured the mysterious and provocative man with a piercing gaze that screamed, _out of your league_.

“Damn.” Kuroo whistled and scrolled through the selection. “He’s uh, wow.”

“Yeah,” Koutarou agreed. “I did a reverse image lookup and found his instagram. You should see his photography.”

“You stalked the customer’s son?”

“No!” Koutarou insisted. “I just… I wondered if maybe there was another picture of the mirror on there and ended up looking at his photography. I am not stalking him!”

“Uh huh,” Kuroo teased, still scrolling through. “Actually these are pretty damn good. Heck, even the dirty pics are good, and the lighting is perfect. He knows how to highlight his angles. You should ask if he’s part of the pay.”

Koutarou sputtered and shoved Kuroo away from the computer. “Oh yes, of course, let’s ask the nice lady if she’ll give us her very attractive son as well as the large amount of money she agreed to pay for the mirror. That’s totally the way to gain more customers!”

Now featured across Koutarou’s screen was a very delighted email from a nice lady who fortunately did not take the pimping out of her son as a bad thing. In fact, she thought the whole ordeal was quite entertaining. Kuroo argued that this was reason enough for him to not be in trouble. He got about that much out before Koutrou tackled him to the ground.

***

**Mother-Unit __**_4:34pm_

I emailed the nice man and said you would think about his offer.

**Keiji __**_4:39pm_

Why? Is it not enough that you sent a stranger my photos but you are also now trying to set me up with him?

**Mother-Unit __**_4:42pm_

I don’t see why you can’t just have a laugh about this. Keiko thinks it's hystercial.

**Keiji __**_4:45pm_

Of course she does

***

**Unfortunate Womb Mate __**_5:34pm_

Keiji, since you won’t answer your phone and you refuse to listen to voicemails

**Keiji __**_5:36pm_

I listen to voicemails when they are not people who know me who should know to just text me

**Unfortunate Womb Mate __**_5:37pm_

We need you to go pick up the mirror tomorrow

**Keiji __**_5:38pm_

Absolutely not!

**Unfortunate Womb Mate __**_5:40pm_

Please!! They’re closing the shop for a week and if we don’t pick it up tomorrow we have to wait!

**Keiji __**_5:42pm_

How unfortunate that you won’t have your ill-gotten undeserved gift for another week

**Unfortunate Womb Mate __**_5:45pm_

When was the last time i asked you for anything?

**Keiji __**_5:46pm_

September 13, made me pretend to be your boyfriend so that creep at the bar would leave you alone when I could have easily just said I was your brother to accomplish the same thing

**Keiji __**_5:48pm_

November 8, gave you a ride to work because that rust bucket you call a car died again

**Keiji __**_5:50pm_

December 5, made me share my birthday with you cause you forgot to take the 4th off

**Unfortunate Womb Mate __**_5:52pm_

Ok fine I get it! Don’t do it then you stubborn ass!!!!

**Keiji __**_5:54pm_

January 6, sent my pictures to a stranger to get a stupid mirror!!!

***

In the end it was the last message that bit him in the ass. Keiko had cried, and once Keiko was crying, there was no keeping his mother on his side. Tears were an automatic loss asfar as Ayame Akaashi was concerned. Whoever made the other cry was at fault and would need to do something to make up for it. That something was driving forty minutes out of town to a workshop on a mountain to retrieve the mirror.

The drive at least was pleasant, and the scenery more than kept his temper down. A fog had descended on the mountain top and he was thankful he’d brought his camera along. Once the mirror was in his possession he’d take his time travelling back down the mountain to take pictures.

Owl-Cat Carpentry had a parking lot that overlooked the valley below and Keiji was mesmerized at the sight. He wondered how anyone in this place got any work done when the view was that breathtaking. 

A knock on the window pulled him from his reverie. Keiji sighed and stepped out only to be left speechless at the man in front of him. He didn’t stand much taller than Keiji himself. It was his broad shoulders and obscenely toned arms that made him dwarf Keiji in ways that left him weak.

“Heya,” his smile was wide and overtook much of his face, causing his incredibly golden eyes to light up. “You uh, here for a pick up?”

Keiji nodded vigorously and dug through his satchel for the printout his mother had forwarded to him. “Name on the account is Akaashi.”

The incredibly good looking man flushed from his cheeks to his ears and all the way down his neck. “Oh you… you’re the…”

“Yes,” Keiji stammered, suddenly reminded that this man had obviously seen nearly every inch of his body before even meeting him. “I am the man in the mirror. You did request I be part of the payment after all.” He held himself back from jumping into his car and screaming because that was not supposed to actually come out of his mouth.

The man made a dying noise in the back of his throat and laughed nervously. “That was actually my idiot business partner being, well, a dick.”

“So should I be offering myself to him instead?” Keiji wanted nothing more than to throw himself off the mountain for the fact that his brain and mouth and had short circuited and were refusing to cooperate with each other.

“No!” he yelled before rapidly waving his hands in front of him. “That is to say, he has a boyfriend. Yeah like, _been with him for years_ boyfriend. Nice guy, kinda quiet, really cutting wit, which is what someone like Kuroo needs to keep him in check. Since _you know_ he’s a dick who sends emails propositioning strangers. Even though they are very good looking… oh my god am I the only one incapable of not shutting up when it's good for me?”

Keiji giggled and held out a hand. “I’m Keiji, you almost saw me naked.”

“I’m Koutarou,” he said, cheeks still beet red as he shook his hand. “I looked at your photography more than your body I swear.”

“You did?”

“Yeah,” he said brightly. “You know, there’s a lot of great places around here with some good views for pictures and stuff.”

“Maybe you could show them to me.”

Koutarou smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m uh, free now. My dick of a business partner can run the place.”

“I have no plans and well, the view is...” he said, eyes roving up and down, “pretty spectacular.”


End file.
